A Year to Remember
Although it was largely Featherburn scarce, 2019 was a year to remember. I spent the first quarter of it closing the production of Indecent by playwright Paula Vogel at Baltimore Center Stage. The better part of the rest of it, I was either by my father’s side as he was passing, or I was leading the necessary logistical cleanup afterwards. Performing Vogel’s play was an incredible experience. It spoke eloquently and defiantly to power, telling the story of those subject to hardship, danger and death by way of racism, sexism and heterosexism; telling about the power of art to bring change; a piece of theater so beautifully-written and transformative, we the ensemble bowed nightly to standing crowds of a thousand or more, moved (at least many of them) to tears. It was an honor, a privilege and a love to feel so free of doubt about the value of my work, and to be part of a larger, growing voice toward a more humane world. After the closing embraces that followed the final curtain call, I packed up and sped in silence to my family - first to stop and see my partner Megan, and our nephew Cole whom we help parent; then to my father, whose health had been failing steadily faster over the past five years, but in that present, had come to an even steeper decline. He and I used to go out to hear blues music to chicken wings and Labatt Blue. Now we watched movies on dvd to takeout pizza. We used to argue over whether he would use his cane, or whether or not an oxygen tank at home would help him recover his strength. Now we argued over in-home care, which tray was best fitting for his walker and soon enough, whether to sleep in the hospice bed or risk the perilous 10 yard walk to the back room with the air-conditioner. Summer came. I got to be home with Megan and Cole weekdays for much of the beginning of it, but soon the Friday through Sunday trips to my dad in Buffalo became week-long stays. Then soon it was July and I was making occasional short trips back to Lancaster, while spending most of my hours in my father’s Buffalo NY apartment, leaving once a day for Wegmans, where I could shop for groceries, hit the salad/hot food bar and pick out something from the red box all in one swoop. He died on the 26th of July, the morning after seeing my brother for the first time in five years, and the morning after being admitted to the hospice center where he would no longer be able to smoke cigarettes.
In hindsight, I guess the timing was right. It wasn’t easy, but he did hold on long enough so we could be together through the biggest challenges. I was able to complete the professional project that I believed in deeply, and then come away with the flexibility to spend the time. I missed Megan, but she always gets it. Cole, at 10 years old, was missing my presence more than he could be conscious of, and that weighed on us all. We got through it together, and I feel like I’ve since made up the time and the love. My only regret about that period was that I wasn’t able to pay my friend, mentor and bandmate Tim Jenkins another visit as he died of cancer just than two weeks after my father died. I miss them both. I miss my father, but I feel lucky to have had the time. He was ready to die. I miss and feel sad about Tim, lots because I wish I could have been there with him more, because we had intended to make more music together, and because he left behind people who ache for his presence today. We put together a beautiful EP, One Precious Life, but we very much wished we could have recorded more music. We would talk for hours on the phone about making art. And like no-one else ever, he believed in me as a songwriter. He told me I should continue writing and playing, and keep Featherburn as my life art project. The lesson remains. We’ve got one precious life. Shout. Kick. Shake. Love. Live. Make.
So finally, after many woes, after many months wrangling teammates new and old, after many months spent learning repertoire, we’re back at it again and gaining momentum.
The original Featherburn team disbanded. We’re operating now in two new configurations: the full rock band Featherburn based in Lancaster Pa, and the mobile trio working out of Baltimore affectionately referred to as Featherburn kit. Both are good fun, full of heart and talent and love. All are in it for the transformation. Want to know more? It’s up on our bio page.
Are we caught up? Let’s begin again.